What’s the oldest things you’re wearing today?

most of the clothes I am wearing were purchased within the last two years, although I don’t remember when I bought the shirt I’m wearing. maybe it just appeared, as from an ancient fog or mist. Again, I don’t remember.

My attitude this morning upon waking was tiresome and somewhat negative, with a hint of of self pity and the ugliness of self obsession. It’s as if my mind wanted to bring me down as I was in bed, ruminating and dreaming peculiar yet ultimately forgettable dreams. So I made a conscious effort to change my attitude, to give thanks for another day. It’s a miracle to be alive, especially on another spring day. sometimes, I make life difficult for myself, and it really gets old. But thank God for relief from myself and tiresome, worn out mindset.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Are you a leader or a follower?

stop following me. please get back. I’m warning you.

…

(emphatically) OK, I’m no longer *asking* you, I am *telling* you to leave. security has been alerted and will be escorting you off the property. please be wise and leave immediately, or we will be forced to press charges.

6. Lemon 7. Mango 8. Grapes 9. Blueberries

List your top 5 favorite fruits.

1. banana

2. apple

3. orange

4. strawberry

5. kiwi

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What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?

stop scrolling.

Share a story about someone who had a positive impact on your life.

Do I have a story to tell? I’m sure there must be one… or maybe just memories, nothing to recount for amusement or laughs. sitting in the sunlight, knowing I am loved.

Two people told me I was being “obscure” yesterday. In my opinion, only one person meant “obscure” (we were discussing songs and lyrics from the 1982 album by Donald Fagen). The other person most likely meant “vague,” as in “not offering much information, more hinting at an answer to a question.” I was being intentionally vague, and today as well. No one could tell if I was talking about being a young child, coloring, singing, or sitting on a deck, or if I was referencing my mother (on Mother’s Day), my grandmother, or someone else. Sometimes, it’s better that way.

But I did love my grandmother and I’m thankful for my mom, who I’m planning to visit today.

What does freedom mean to you?

As often repeated, the flip side of the coin of freedom is responsibility. At one time, freedom meant “doing whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it,” but that sort of selfish and juvenile attitude tends to leave a sizeable mess behind, to put it mildly.

Freedom today means owning my choices. It helps to pray for guidance before taking action, but there’s nothing like being free, trying something new, perhaps as an experiment, while not expecting anyone to make decisions for me.  Is it easy to admit I’ve been wrong? Not always, but how else can we learn? Humility can help to ease a wounded ego.

Expect good things. Take the necessary action, but leave the results open. Sing, draw, paint, dance, mumble, perhaps recite a poem from memory. Go to work, deal with it, pay a bill on time. Sit still. Stand up, move around. It’s your choice. Remain free.

What public figure do you disagree with the most?

I’ve given up disagreeing with public figures. I just ignore them instead.

2023

is too recent to write about with any detachment or irony. it was beautiful and tough, a year of growth and change. I’m thankful.

I considered writing a more extensive series of memories based on specific years of my life, with seven year intervals. memories are challenging to reconcile. what’s important? why do we remember specific details? certainly, we remember traumatic events, but how about the mundane yet somehow beautiful events of our daily lives?

I have an abundance of good memories from 2023. it was tough at times, but I’ve been through more difficult and challenging times. the best part of last year was realizing I truly am not alone in anything I go through: good, bad, or indifferent.

challenging times bring us closer together. we discover who our true friends are when we need them most. I have so much to be thankful for.

My career plan: Keep Living

What is your career plan?

right now, I plan to sit down and write something on paper. I’ve been considering drawing something again, as it’s been a while. I’m doing laundry in a few minutes.

[wearing business casual, being of service to humanity, utilizing my strengths and abilities to the fullest extent, contributing to the common welfare, being a light in a dark world]

as I search inside myself, I confess I don’t have a specific answer to today’s question, which disappoints me.

when I was younger, it was assumed I’d use my artistic talent. maybe I assumed I would keep making art forever. I stopped making art and focused on writing. I still write daily, but not as a career.

am I taking action to move forward? yes. today, I am.

not being a person motivated by traditional external validation and or status, the drive for “power,” and being somewhat of an outsider, or an observer, I can say that I’ve participated in corporate or other business systems *just enough* to survive. survival is key. being an actor, playing a role in a system I feel  indifference for, doesn’t interest me. but I would prefer not to beg friends for money and books, like a contemporary Henry Miller living in a cabin in Big Sur, or a drunk Kerouac living with mom. the illusion died long ago, just like the traditional “American Dream.”

Maybe we should start dreaming new dreams, international, or possibly universal dreams, rather than site-specific dreams. makes sense to me. serve God, love the life we’ve been living.

if you’re still reading, I love you! I wish you all the best, I wish you fulfillment, and I wish you successful quarterly reviews and a highly competitive salary with benefits.

Accept yourself

or,

practice self acceptance. for example: you’re hungry. accept it. but is your hunger your “self”? ask a philosopher. I will now press a series of buttons on the microwave.

“everyone is an artist.” which means that everyone is an electrician. everyone is an accountant. because my four year old puppy (who does not exist) or child (but I am childless) could paint that. or file our taxes. it’s easy, like painting by numbers, 1, 2, 3. I think of a song by The Police. it’s not a song for the sirens.

can we talk? I know most people prefer to text. perhaps I can text OK Computer style affirmations (I’m talking about the liner notes from Radiohead, such as “every day in every way I am becoming a better contributor to the bottom line, doing my part to make the corporation succeed, while collecting a handsome salary or paycheck, which is awesome. make it an awesome day. is it nice, though? are you being “nice”? do you have boundaries that you communicate in an assertive, not aggressive, manner?” at the end of the day, there’s another Pepsi challenge awaiting us tomorrow. go to sleep. count shells. the very grains of sand on the pebbled shoreline are numbered. do something fabulous that you respect.

respect yourself. it matters to me. there seems to be a lot going on inside your mind. have you fertilized it by reading? through the simple act of reading, you can better fertilize your mind and let your brain follow.

it’s almost time for your blood pressure reading. someone will see you shortly. if you’re tall, you will still need to wait. observe the signs (no phones in the office). the hygienist I recommend is very friendly. everyone is friendly.

I would have laughed harder if anyone could hear me. but we were taking x-rays.

when I saw a targeted online ad for hair replacement, I was reminded of self-acceptance and how ineffective and superficial such ridiculous attempts at swindling money can be. go ahead, be bald. listen to The Smiths. enjoy a plate of rice, but be sure not to swallow air.

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